And this is my hate of the week:
And this is my love of the week:
Wasnt this an informitive post? ;D
If a tree fell in a forest and no-one was around to hear it would anyone really give a shit?
That is the question that Im asking you randoms today ( I call you randoms cause I cant be bothered learning your real names instead I shall use humorous and endearing nicknames for those unfateful few I do meet)
To be honest with you I don’t even remember what this speech is about, I don’t remember many things really.
So Im just gonna stand there and mutter a few sentences which include the word ‘economical’ and nod a few times adding a few bold hand gestures here and there and thus looking productive:
Yes you sad pathetic randoms there is an art to looking productive it is an extremely underrated concept.
“Emerging in the late 1880s the basic design was produced by none other than Michael Rednelb. A skilled high class cultural attaché to Greece. World reknowned for his excellance in Science.”
Now didn’t that sound vaguely intellectual.
It’s a shame I must pull apart such a beautiful piece of work but eh who gives a crap anyways?
The funny thing about that intellectual paragraph is that It likes to give the illusion that you actually learned something from it even if your not quite sure what. Its quite a feat for you lot if I might say so myself.
As a matter of fact that paragraph was just a bunch of crap cleverly strung together.
A few numbers added and peoples names all stuck in a giant thesaurical blender.
In fact did you notice Rednelb (the guys name) is Blender backwards? I bet you didn’t Just say it with a nice exotic accent and alls good.
Anyways what the hell am I on about? Its time for a literal disection of that intelligent paragraph.
*Always start your crappy sentence with a doing word. Im not sure why but I know its essential somehow.
I used “Emerging” as it sounds poetic and I like the letter E.
*A date gives you good structure it shows your audience/victims that you actually cared enough about the the topic to learn the place in time in which it happended…or that you know how to use the copy and paste on the computer properly.
I chose 1880s cause it was obviously over a thousand years ago and no-one really gives a crap as to what happended before the 1990s. I mean who cares if some skody old guy from thousands of years ago did something to help someone. Psh.
I chose the name Michael because it’s a very common name and when I hear someone say Michael I think of Michelangelo and that naked guy with the really nice body…eh maybe its just me?
It really wouldnt have quite the same effect if the name were say…Dwain.
People love skilled and high class citizens it’s a known fact. Use these two titles for your imaginary friend and it will instantly gain respect from all those over 30.
Now…”A cultural attache to Greece.” Is a line from a very funny movie most of you wouldn’t know. See how it works in my favour?
Can anyone here name the film it came from?
It came from the BirdCage (starring Robin Williams and Gene Hackman)
See movies are useful after all!
World renowned? Everyone loves those and science is always associated with smart things we cant comprehend.
That paragraph doesn’t sound so insightful now after all eh?
Manipulation is the key, with the right strategy and knowledge you can make people believe anything.
Play off sterotypes use labels to your advantage anything is usuable in order to achieve your goal.
Now. Some things to remember for a intelligent speech.
- Use Gestures.
Its proven when a person is lying there hand movements become restricted and vary often they don’t use many at all cause the brain is too busy processing the lie to worry about the rest of the body.
(Sounds like I read that from a book doesn’t it? Actually I learnt from that guy with funny hair on TV)
- Look Nervous
People who are shaking and showing other outwards signs of fear are more susceptible to feelings of sympathy and support from the audience therefore blocking out some of the crap said.
- Be humorsly Vague
A good example is the sentence. “I learnt it from that guy with the funny hair on TV”
Most people wont stop to think about what funny guy your actually talking about as they’ll just assume it’s a joke but register it as information at the same time.
- Talk in a very dull and monotonal voice.
It gives the effect you are very bored with the subject and unhappy about whats happening around you for every sane person knows there is nothing to be cheerful about.
- Thesaures are your best friend.
I mean who wants to use the word “Happy” when you can say Gay instead. HAHA look I found a way to put gay in a sentence and not get yelled at xD
HAHA THIS IS NOT FINISHED FOOL.
willisHoly shizzle its back O:
…yep.
Im back, Lock up your children folks. ;D
Anyways people kept whining and whining till eventually my central nervous system exploded and I lost all control of what I was doing.
Wait…what the hell is a central nervous system? Great two sentences in and ive already lost myself…argh shit…its gonna be a long night…
You know I realized what I really wanted to do in life. How could I not see it before?!
So now if Fiona gives out them ‘five things I really want to do In life’ sheets again in “Cosmic Goddess” class, I wont hesitate. HAHA.
I want to set someone on fire.
Yep. Completely on fire.
And then I want to set myself on fire and/or spontaneously combust XD
Wow that would be painful. What a stupid idea.
FANTASTIC!
It must be done.
There we go. I sorted out my life just like that, oh yeah, go me.
I can see the conversations now:
“So Sarah, what are you going to do when you grow up?”
“Hmm that’s a tough one, well first Ill have to pass NCEA get some hard-earned qualifications, get a well paying job, earn some big cash and then SET EVERYONE ON FIRE! OH YEAH! EAT THAT SHIT! WOOO! YOU CANT HANDLE IT *pours petrol over self*
YEEAAAAAAAHH!”
*runs off screaming*
Ah. Quite a future I have in store for myself, hmm maybe I can tie that in somehow with my really loud and annoying assassin-chef hoboness.
Maybe a yelling dancing cooking hobo on fire shooting people?
That might work…
I don’t get these people that are so obsessed about they’re futures, its like there only purpose in life is to keep society running.
What has society ever done for you?
Now I bet it took you a while to think of some half-assed excuse.
It has done nothing, cause that’s what society’s for!
Its always there, surrounding you, giving off the false pretence it has some sort of purpose which will benefit all, keeping everyone under its crazy delusional (drug-fulled) spell. (kinda like the Green party)
-big intermission as Roadkill silently curses and punches randoms-
Bloody Greenies.
Uh-oh I feel myself going on a tangent, ah well who cares if I get to yell about pot-smoking tree-hugging bloody hippies.
How in Houses name did such people even have a chance of getting into parliament?
*Gonk*
I mean come on! What is this?! America?!!
Yes you can flame me yell at me call me a stupid bitchy hypocrite for saying such things and harass me (Actually my name is Harass backwards ;D) but I shall continue my honorable rant of shit cause FREEDOM OF SPEECH FUCKTARDS HAHA. LETS SEE YOU GET AROUND THAT.
Someday, the greenies will bring marijuana plants from far and wide risking their lives and passports to set them alight on voting week all over New Zealand.
It shall be the great Stoner Revolution.
And the greens will come into complete power by means of making us all high and not know what we’re really doing when we vote. Or even where we put our head.
Just think about it:
*It will be illegal (and considerably impolite) not to hug a tree as you pass it.
*The Prime Minster will be replaced every 5 months seeing as the current keeps falling out the Beehive window under the impression one can fly.
*Four thousand of us will die every year from poisonous spider bites due to the big-ass nest of White-tailed spiders making homes in our huge dreadlocks.
*Thousands and thousands of naked people running around just to be one with nature (if that doesn’t scare you just think about old folks homes *shudder*)
*Poor poor Drug dealers out of business seeing as now girl guides have moved on from there customary biscuits aww…JESUS CHRIST YOU SELFISH PEOPLE THINK ABOUT THE DRUG DEALERS! THEY HAVE FEELINGS TOO!*sob*
*A shit load more of these kind of conversations:
“hey… hey man…your hairs on fire…Heh”
“*snort* oh yeah haha”
“..hey you should do something about that….”
“.....about wha?”
*long pause*
“…I dont remember...”
*another long pause*
“…lets go smoke some pot…”
